Does the Cute Dog Want to be Petted? or Goodness! Please, Don't Put Your Face in the Dog's Mouth

You very much want to pet the floof, but does this individual want to be petted?

Recently, in a class I was teaching about animal learning, one of the participants asked, “If you were walking down a trail and saw a dog, how would you know if they were going to bite you?”

Great question. 

Here’s what I look for:

If a dog sees me and moves away from me, looks away, starts to sniff at the ground, if their ears are back and their tail is down — this looks like a dog who would prefer to get further away from me. If I approached, they might move away or if cornered escalate to lip licking, stiffening, lip curls, snarling, or growling…

If a dog sees me and their ears go forward, tail goes up, lip lifts or tightens, and they bark or lunge — this looks like a dog who would like ME to get further away from them. If I don’t give them more space, then they might escalate to snarls, growls, or snaps to make their point.

Generally, I read hard stares and stiff postures as my cue to give dogs space.

Of course, when I see a dog, my first thought is not “Will that dog bite me?” but “Yay, a dog!” followed by, “How cute!”. I love dogs!

So, a class participant commented: You're probably confident dogs will like you.

Actually, no. I never assume a dog is going to like me on first meeting. I know only that I will like the dog and I will do everything in my power to be “not scary” and to be kind, generous, and use a considerate approach. 

Dogs bring their own perceptions (including smells and sounds I may be completely unaware of) as well as past experiences to an introduction. I love all dogs, but I treat them as individuals. Building trust can take time – biological time (the time it takes a flower to bloom or a wound to heal). You can’t stream, download, dash, or insta animal learning or animal trust.

I will watch a dog’s body language, let the dog make choices (to approach or not), give them space, and ask whether they are enjoying interactions (consent tests) at every step. 

Any dog may bite anyone. However, paying attention when a dog shows discomfort helps.

When I see a dog, the first question I ask is: Does he want to say hi? I’m looking for soft, wiggly expressions and postures. If a dog wants to say hi, he’ll make it obvious!

Recently, I was walking past an adorable, floofy young dog. I really wanted to pet that dog! I noticed the dog was staring at me intently. The handler had a close hold on the dog’s sturdy rope leash. As I walked past, I watched wondering if the dog would burst into wiggly “hello, there!” energy as I hoped. However, instead the cute pup lunged and erupted into snarling and barking, saying clearly “Back off!”. I stepped towards the street and averted my eyes and wished I had done so sooner. That stiff body and hard stare had been communication, “I’m not sure about you. Give me space.”.

Another day, I watched in the park as a large dog barked and lunged at a passerby. The man stopped, turned toward the dog, got down on his knees, presented his face to the dog, grabbed the dog’s jaw —and got licked. Whew! That was lucky — or a dog displaying excellent bite inhibition. 

Although I don’t often say “no,” getting down and presenting your face to an upset dog is a “no” for me and I absolutely would not reach for the dog’s face in this situation.

Here’s why:

• It puts your face near a dog who might decide to bite. No, thanks!

• If the dog does bite, that’s a huge, life-threatening risk for the dog. Our society has stiff consequences for dogs who bite humans or other dogs. Little dogs may get a pass, but large dogs won’t. I don’t want to put a dog in that situation.

• Barking and lunging is not a good way to request a greeting. If that’s what the dog truly wants, then that poor greeting behavior has been reinforced. The dog will continue to do what works. A lot of people find this behavior off-putting and scary. If the dog does this to an older person, a young person, or someone who has had a bad experience with dogs, the “kisses” may be perceived differently. Perception can be reality.

• If the dog actually meant “go away!”, then the dog has just learned that barking and lunging doesn’t work. If he found that greeting uncomfortable and was actually licking out of discomfort or giving a “kiss to dismiss,” he may decide to escalate to snarling, growling, or snapping because his barking and lunging behaviors were ignored.

Another element I look at when asking: Does the dog want to say hi? Is, of course, the dog’s handler. I won’t say hi without the handler’s permission and, in most cases, I probably won’t ask to greet a dog on lead.

If the handler moves the dog to the side, is wearing a treat pouch, and starts marking and rewarding my approach or asking the dog to look or sit, I will smile happily at the nice training techniques, give them space, and let them work.

If the dog is on a prong collar, the handler yanks the dog away, or says “leave it!”, then I know the dog has been learning to associate new people with discomfort and scolding. That’s not a dog I want to meet and I don’t want that to be a consequence for the dog of me saying hi.

Teaching a dog that new people = discomfort is the opposite of what I recommend, which is making sure that new people around always = good things for the dog and building lots of strong positive associations with meeting new people. I recommend hosting the party. Break out your best treats and create a fun, relaxed vibe when introducing your dog to new people or training a fearful dog around people at a safe distance.

When I definitely will ask to say hi: If the dog is a puppy and the puppy looks relaxed, I will ask if I can say hi and offer the puppy a treat. Puppies need lots of good experiences meeting new people and I am happy to help teach them that people love dogs and dogs are awesome!

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